เรียงความภาษาอังกฤษแบบนี้เขียนถูกมั้ยค่ะ

A mobile phone is a high technology electronic item. Can play social network for communicate with my parents or my friend. When people is playing mobile phone can’t playing phone. Nowadays, become an integral part of our everyday.
            Moreover, advantage of mobile, connected with internet. Fast and convenient information surfing. The phone also make it comfortable can us the computer. It also help to remind us, and can ask for help immediately if an emergency. When sending photos, music, videos with friends, it was fast.
        However, the phone also has a downside, such as a financial burden Make money to pay for taxes. Didn’t concentrate on education. No pay attention to surroundings. Communicating with a stranger may be dangerous, but we should be alert. A health an exhaustion. if you play more phone, you will not sleep, Mobile phones have made a financial burden because of a service fee charge and others.
      In general, There are pros and cons for mobile phone that depends on awareness of its pros and cons by individual.
Some people might think that it has advantages and disadvantages based on the needs of the individual that would require more or less how they were used in a useful way or in a bad way.